


Storm Warning

by SportsAnimeRuinedMyLife (KnightOfRage)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, M/M, Post-Graduation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-04-05 09:01:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4173906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KnightOfRage/pseuds/SportsAnimeRuinedMyLife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things change. Hajime wishes that they wouldn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Storm Warning

 

It all starts to change on the day that they graduate.

~~~~

  
Hajime is walking out of his final class of his final year of his final day of high school. He is officially graduated. He lets himself smile a little. Oikawa is trotting beside him, chattering brightly about nothing in particular.

They’ve been scouted by the same university. They’re staying together. Hajime lets his smile widen a little. He’s been with this guy for so long that he’s not sure what he’d do without him.

The smile freezes on face and then drops as he rounds the corner towards the front gates.

Oikawa's entire fan club, plus maybe twenty other girls, are all waiting there. Hajime just stands there, mouth open a little bit.There are so _many_ of them.

He should have expected this. He was dumb not to expect this.

"Oh ho~" Oikawa is grinning like an idiot as he rounds the corner and sees the line. He shades his eyes like he's trying to spy the end of it. "Is this all for me?"

"Oh my god shut up." Hajime groans. "Please Trashkawa just shut up."

" _Yoohoooo~_ " He rocks back on his heels and waves. The line of girls shrieks. About half of them are weeping.

"Well." Oikawa's sister, Keiko, rounds the corner. She looks just like Oikawa, the same long-limbed grace and easy smile. "I think my line was longer little brother."

"So mean, nee-san!" Oikawa pouts. Again, the line of girls shriek. Hajime huffs and rolls his eyes.

Their parents round the corner a minute later and catch sight of the sprawling line of girls. The Oikawas smile indulgently. The Iwaizumis look faintly terrified. Hajime can’t blame his parents. The only reason he is more or less immune to shrieking girls is because of years spent at Oikawa’s side.

“We’ll meet you at the restaurant, Tooru dear.” Oikawa’s mother pats him on the shoulder. She has the same lazy smile as her children. Together, the Oikawas are an alarmingly good-looking bunch of people. There have been times that they’ve been stopped on the street and asked for pictures.

A few times, Hajime has been asked to take the pictures. He scowls at the memory, preparing to follow his parents to the restaurant and leave Oikawa to his growing-steadily-more-hysterical fan club.

“Iwa-chaaaaan.” Oikawa catches his wrist as he tries to leave.

“What?” Hajime continues to scowl.

“Wait for me.” He says, pouting again. It’s a showy, stupid and utterly insincere expression. When he’s actually sad, Oikawa smiles too wide and waves his hands, insisting that he’s fine.

“No!” Hajime pulls his hand out of Oikawa’s (surprisingly strong) grip. “I’m not going to stand here and watch you get like a hundred confessions.” He hits Oikawa upside the head. Keiko snickers.

“There’s not a hundred of them!” Oikawa insists. “It’s like…” He glances back at the line, which is still growing, and looks back at Hajime. “Fifty of them. Sixty _tops_.”

“Come on, Tooru.” Oikawa’s father, who is just as tall and handsome as his son, claps Oikawa on the back. “You can catch up with us later.”

“But Iwa-chan…” He gives Hajime his saddest look, complete with puppy-dog eyes and everything. “We’re graduating. We need to spend all day together!”

Hajime hits him upside the head again. “We’re going to the same university, idiot.” He ignores Oikawa’s whines and the steadily rising voices of the girls waiting for his attention. “It’s not like it’s really the end of anything.”

“Iwa-chan…” Oikawa murmurs, looking legitimately distressed all of the sudden. “Just wait for me.”

Hajime sighs. He’s always been a bit powerless to resist Oikawa it comes down to it. He lets the other boy get away with things that no one would even dare to try. It’s a side-effect of being friends for so long, he supposes.

“Go on ahead.” He sighs to their parents, resigned to his fate as Oikawa’s confession secretary. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t take too long.”

Hajime’s mother frowns, but doesn’t argue. “If you’re sure, Hajime.”

“He’s sure!” Oikawa crows in triumph, throwing his arms around Hajime in something that is half a hug and half a headlock. He’s heavy and uncomfortably warm against Hajime’s back, but familiar. He drapes himself over Hajime like a large, needy cat with annoying regularity.

Hajime looks dubiously at the ever-lengthening line of girls waiting for Oikawa. Why do they like this guy again?

Their families walk off with uncertain waves (from the Iwaizumis) and bright smiles (from the Oikawas). Hajime manages to pry Oikawa off of him and turns to face the line of girls. “Okay.” He faces them down with the same determination that he faces down a particularly skilled rival team. “Let’s do this.”

~~~~

Hajime has always been amazed with the way that Oikawa can turn down girls and have them leave loving him more than they did before. Somehow, he managed to not only turn down every girl lined up with no yelling or face-slapping, but ended up two bags full of presents to take home.

Hajime really should learn to stop being surprised at Oikawa’s disturbing girl-whispering powers. He watches as Oikawa waves off the last girl with a bright smile and shakes his head. It had taken close to three hours, but they have finally gotten through the entire line.

“Ready to walk home, Iwa-chan~?” Oikawa turns his smile on Hajime. Hajime glares back.

Keiko had texted them two hours ago letting them know that both families had gotten tired of waiting and had eaten without them. Hajime isn’t exactly surprised. Being friends with Oikawa makes his life complicated and stupid literally all of the time.

They start towards their neighborhood, steps in sync as usual.

“You owe me so many favors, Shittykawa.” Hajime groans, hefting a bag that is full of confession letters, cake and chocolates. He doesn’t like sweets much, but he has claimed half of them for himself just on principle. “So many.”

“It wasn’t that bad, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa waves a hand. He, of course, is carrying the lighter of the two bags.

“Three girls cried on me!” Hajime glowers at him. “Three! And I didn’t know any of their names!” He aims a half-hearted kick at Oikawa’s shin.

“It’s not my fault your scary face makes girls cry!” Oikawa dances away from him, pouting. “Mean, Iwa-chan!”

Hajime sighs and doesn’t say anything. He needs to have a talk with Oikawa about his nickname and soon too.

It’s not that he minds, precisely, when Oikawa calls him Iwa-chan. But they’re joining a new team at university and so help him if they all start mockingly calling him “ _Iwa-chaaaaan_ ” the way that Seijuo’s third-years had back when he was a first-year.

Eventually, a few carefully placed spikes had more or less dissuaded them, but still. Hajime suppresses a shudder. He’s not going through that with his new college teammates.

He hefts the confession letters again. They’re heavy.

He’s gotten a few confessions himself, sure, but they’ve been few and far between. And he’s aware that one of the reasons for it, not the only one but probably the main one, is 180 millimeters tall and walking right beside him.

Childhood friends are well and good, but it’s probably hard to take a guy seriously when his best friend is always beside him, hanging off of him and calling him Iwa-chan. And, well, what girl would look at Hajime twice next to Oikawa? His self-confidence isn’t all that bad, but he’s under no illusions that he’s anywhere near Oikawa’s level of attractiveness.

He’s not being self-deprecating. He’s being realistic.

“Iwa-chan?” Hajime blinks over at Oikawa, his thoughts interrupted.

“Hmmm?” He looks over at his friend. Oikawa’s head is tilted to the side, bird-like and curious. “What is it?”

“What are you thinking about?” His face is open, honest. For some reason, it makes Hajime’s throat tight.

“I, ah…” He shakes his head. “Nothing, really.”

Oikawa laughs. “Nothing ever goes on in your empty head.” He jams his hands in his pockets and lopes ahead to avoid Hajime’s perfunctory punch. The sun is dipping below the horizon, making their shadows stretch out impossibly long beside them.

He slows, glances back at Hajime with an easy smile. “It’s our last walk home, Iwa-chan.”

The fading sunlight catches on his face, casting shadows below his cheekbones.

“Huh.” Hajime catches up and they walk side-by-side again, slower than before. “I guess that it is.”

Neither one says anything for a while as the sun sinks lower and the shadows grow longer. They’ve made this walk together for three years now. Longer, if Hajime counts back when they used to walk to middle school together. When he stops to think about it, really stops and thinks, they’ve been making this walk for pretty much their whole lives.

It’s weird to think that they won’t do it again.

He’s been avoiding thinking about how their lives are going to change. Sure, they’ll be together at university, but it’ll be different. They won’t be high school students anymore, their team will be different and it won’t be theirs the way that Seijuo had been. Oikawa won’t be the captain and Hajime won’t be his ace.

Things are changing, there’s no way that he can deny it. Hajime takes a deep breath. Things are changing, but that doesn’t mean it has to be bad.

He takes a deep breath, steeling himself, and decides that he’s going to tell Oikawa that the “Iwa-chans” need to stop and this time he is going to mean it. He can do this.He isn’t taking no for answer this time. He’s been psyching himself up for this talk for the last three weeks and he is going to go through with it, dammit.

Things are going to be different.

Before he can speak, though, Oikawa does. “Iwa-chan.” His voice is uncharacteristically serious. “I need to talk to you about something.”

“Yeah.” Hajime lifts his chin and stares defiantly at Oikawa. “I’ve got some things I need to say too.”

Oikawa’s eyes go wide. They reflect sunset colors; bright golds and rich scarlets. “You do?” His voice is strangely incredulous, like he can’t believe what Hajime is saying.

“Yeah, I do.” Hajime decides to ignore Oikawa’s weirdness and just nods firmly. He is not going to back out of this. “I think it’s time that I said it.”

“I, um…” Oikawa takes his hand out of his pockets and makes weird little fluttering motions with them, like he’s not sure what to do with himself. “Okay, Iwa-chan.” His voice is shaking, just a bit.

“It’s just...I know that we’ve been friends for a long time. But,” He scratches the back of his neck, looking away from Oikawa. His eyes are wide, like he’s trying to memorize every detail of Hajime’s face. “Look. I think it’s time for the nickname to stop.”

Oikawa’s face goes still. “What?” His voice is confused.

Hajime keeps his eyes on his feet, on the street beside him, on the houses they pass. Anywhere, anywhere at all except at Oikawa. “I think you should stop calling me Iwa-chan.” He says, trying to use the firm “this is how it is, get used to it” voice that he uses with particularly stubborn first-years. “We’re going to be at university, Oikawa, and I don’t want to have to explain about how we’re childhood friends to everyone we meet.” He swallows. “So, yeah.” He finishes lamely.

“Oh.” Oikawa’s voice is so small. “You...oh.”

They walk in silence for a moment, Hajime still staring down determinedly at his feet. He knows that Oikawa is upset and this time he can’t fix it. He’s the one who caused it. “So?” He hazards after a solid five minutes of silence. “Is it okay?”

Oikawa laughs shrilly and Hajime looks up at him, startled. His face is fixed in a brittle, too-wide smile. Hajime hasn’t seen him look like that since right after they lost to Karasuno at Spring Highs. “Of course, _Iwaizumi-san._ ” His voice is dripping with saccharine sweetness. “We wouldn’t want people to get the wrong idea.”

Hajime doesn’t know what to say. He never expected Oikawa to react well to his request, but he thought that whining and insults would be the extent of his protests. This brittle composure, the thinly veiled anger...it’s something that Hajime has only ever seen directed at Ushijima and Kageyama.

Oikawa pretends to be all sorts of things to all sorts of people. But he’s never pretended with Hajime before.

“Oh, here we are.” They’re outside of Oikawa’s house. It’s as familiar as Hajime’s own. The bright yellow flowers in the front yard are a dark mass in the rapidly gathering twilight. There are still lights on in the windows. Hajime looks over at Oikawa. His face is turned away from Hajime’s, cast into darkness. “You should probably hurry home. Wouldn’t want your parents to worry.”

“Oikawa, I don’t…” Hajime struggles to find the right words. Sure, Oikawa makes his life complicated and stupid, but he’s never doubted that he belongs in it before. But right now Oikawa’s treating him with the same dismissive attitude that he treats everyone else with. All of the sudden, Hajime feels like one of the girls from today, turned away with a few empty words and an even emptier smile.

It's disarming in the worst sort of way. He never realized that his stupid nickname was actually important to this idiot.

“Look, if it matters that much…” He tries, but Oikawa doesn’t even let him finish the sentence.

“No, no.” He waves a hand and doesn’t look at Hajime. “It’s what you want, _Iwaizumi-san_.” His name sounds odd, coming from Oikawa. He doesn’t think he’s ever heard him say the whole thing before. “I’m just doing what you want, aren’t I?”

“Yeah, but…” Hajime tries to interrupt, but Oikawa goes off again.

“You should go home.” He repeats. “You parents are probably waiting and complaining about how that silly Oikawa boy ruined their son’s special day.” He laughs and it sounds like breaking glass. “That’s all I do for you, isn’t it?” He turns and starts towards his door.

“ _Wait_ , Oikawa…” Hajime catches his arm.

“Go home.” Oikawa finally meets his eyes. He hears the other boy’s breath hitch strangely, like he’s about to cry. “Please, Iwa-ch...Iwaizumi.”

“Okay.” He releases Oikawa’s arm, voice quiet. “I’m…” He wants to apologize, but he doesn’t know what for.

“I’ll call you.” Oikawa has turned away and is walking the path to his house. He waves a hand without looking back. “Keep that chocolate~” His voice sounds almost-normal. “You deserve it.”

Hajime stands and watches as he opens the door and goes inside. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do or how he’s supposed to feel. Oikawa’s reaction...that wasn’t normal. He knows Oikawa as well as he knows himself, probably even better. But what happened today…

He forces himself to move after a long moment spent staring at Oikawa’s house. He feels numb on the walk to his house, numb as he smiles at his parents and answers their questions, numb as he pleads exhaustion and escapes to his room.

He collapses onto his bed, shutting his eyes tightly and trying not to think.

He feels hollow.

~~~~

 

Oikawa doesn’t call the next day.

He doesn’t call the day after either.

Hajime decides on the third day that he’s had enough.

He shows up at Oikawa’s house at an unhealthily early hour, considering they’re on break, and bangs on the door. He’s embarrassed when Oikawa’s mother answers, messy-haired, bleary-eyed.

“Oikawa-san.” He mumbles, feeling guilty about clearly waking her up. “Sorry for the intrusion.”

She smiles at him, the expression just as pretty on her as it is on her children. “Hajime!” She says warmly. “Are you here to finally get Tooru out of his room?”

“He’s been shut up in his room?” Hajime raises an eyebrow.

She nods, smile fading. “He’s been holed up since graduation. I was worried that he was sick at first.” She folds her arms. “All he does is sleep and listen to his music.” She peers at Hajime. “Did some girl reject him?”

“I, ah…” Hajime is very tempted to lie and say that yes, Oikawa is suffering from girl troubles again. “I don’t think so.” He finally admits. He’s a terrible liar.

“Hm.” She sighs. “You should do up and see him. Make him get out of bed!” She steps aside to let him in.

“Thanks.” He slips off his shoes and heads to Oikawa’s room. It’s a familiar path, one he’s walked many times. He grew up here as much as he grew up in his own house.  
He opens Oikawa’s door and stands on the threshold, suddenly feeling awkward. What is he supposed to do if Oikawa is still mad at him? Should he just leave? After all, Oikawa said he would call and he hasn’t. What is he really doesn’t want to see Hajime?

“Oi, Trashkawa.” Hajime eventually swallows his doubts and barges in, ready to pretend that their fight never happened.

Oikawa is asleep.

Hajime’s ready insults die as he sees his friend lying on his bed, hair tousled and mouth slightly open. He’s soft like this, unguard, and it makes Hajime feel strangely protective.  
“Oikawa.” He tries to lower his voice. “Come on, get up.”

The other boy sleeps on, unaware, and Hajime decides to abandon the gentle approach. “Oi!” He says loudly. “Wake up!”

Oikawa remains stubbornly asleep.

“C’mon.” Hajime reaches out and starts to shake him. His hand is clasped tightly around Oikawa’s upper arm. The skin is warm from the blankets and very soft. Oikawa is, after all, very dedicated to skin care.

“Mmmmm?” Oikawa yawns widely and looks blearily around. He’s halfway through sitting up when he registers Hajime’s hold on him and freezes. Hajime draws his hand back and steps away so fast that he almost trips.

“I...sorry.” Hajime rubs his hands on his pants. “You were asleep.”

“So you decide to break into my room and grab me?” Oikawa pulls the blanket up to his chin and stares wide-eyed at Hajime. “Mom!” He calls. “Some pervert broke into our house and tried to molest me!”

“Shut up, Trashkawa!” Hajime can feel his face turning scarlet.

“You can’t make meeee~” He sticks his tongue out at Hajime. It’s all disturbingly normal behavior, like their fight never even happened. Hajime is almost beside himself with relief.

“Quit being stupid.” He grumbles, aiming a punch at Oikawa’s shoulder.

He shrieks, definitely waking everyone the house and scrambles out of bed, still holding his blanket like a shield. “Now the pervert is attacking me!”

“I am not a pervert!” Hajime fumes.

“That’s exactly what a pervert would say, Iwa-ch...Iwaizumi.”

They both flinch at the hasty name-change. It ruins the easy atmosphere, filling the room with tension.

“Haha.” Hajime lets out a strained laugh, desperately trying to reclaim the ease that was usually effortless between them.. “You’re so clever.”

Oikawa imperiously examines his nails, trying to hide the tension in his shoulders. “Well, one of us has to be.” He sniffs, sneaking a glance at Hajime from over his fingers.

“Oikawa.” Hajime grunts.

“Hmph.” Oikawa drops his hand and looks up at Hajime. “What?”

“I’m sorry.” He doesn’t look at Oikawa when he says it. He’s still not entirely sure what he’s apologizing for, but for whatever reason he feels like an apology is what Oikawa needs from him right now.

“It’s fine.” Oikawa says after a beat. He smiles crookedly. “Iwaizumi.”

They stand there in silence for a minute, neither one really looking at the other.

“So, there’s a new movie out that I wanted to see.” Oikawa says, flopping back on his bed and staring at his ceiling. Hajime can see the stars that they hung there when they were six.

“Oh, really?” Hajime sits on the edge of Oikawa’s bed. Oikawa nods. “Huh, well you have at least forty different girls’ numbers in there.” He gestures at the bag full of letters and candy from their graduation. It’s sitting by the foot of Oikawa’s bed, the sweets pilfered and the letters untouched. “I’m sure they’d all be more than happy to go with you.”

“Meeeean.” Oikawa hums, kicking at Hajime.

“Oh, did you want the _pervert_ to go with you?” Hajime puts a hand on his chest in mock surprise.

Oikawa grins at his ceiling. “I knew you were a pervert, Iwa-c-izumi.”

“Shut up, idiot.” Hajime ignores the slip again. “You’re definitely paying.”

“Mmmm.” Oikawa closes his eyes and tips his head back against his pillows. The movement of his throat makes Hajime’s mouth dry. It just seems so...intimate. He looks away, folding his hands in his lap. For some reason, his fingers itch.

He clears his throat. “So…?” He prompts. “Are we going?”

“In a few minutes.” Oikawa doesn’t budge from his position on the bed. “It’s still so eaaarly~”

He’s not wrong. The movie theater probably won’t be open for hours. Hajime sits stiffly and doesn’t look behind him. He can feel Oikawa shifting, humming tunelessly as he burrows deeper into his blankets. This, sitting around on a weekend morning with Oikawa lingering in bed and Hajime grumbling at him to wake up, is as familiar as anything.

They’ve done it a thousand times before, but for some reason it just feels _off_ today.

Is it their fight? Or is it something else?

He hates feeling uncertain with Oikawa. They’re supposed to be best friends. People call them perfectly in-sync and expect Hajime to always know what Oikawa is thinking. But the truth is never that simple. Oikawa is as mercurial as a thunderstorm and just as potentially destructive.

Most of the time, the best Hajime can do is perform damage control.

“Your mom said that you weren’t feeling well.” Hajime ventures the question cautiously, making it clear that Oikawa can ignore it if he wants.

“Mmmhmmm.” Oikawa makes a noise of agreement. “I think one of my fangirls tried to poison me.” Hajime glances back at him incredulously and Oikawa looks at him with too-wide eyes. “The chocolates, Iwaizumi! They were poisoned!”

“Sure.” Hajime snorts. “You couldn’t have just made yourself sick from eating too many sweets.” He waves a hand towards the ransacked bag of chocolates on the floor. “It has to be poison.”

“Yes!” Oikawa sniffs imperiously. “They’re trying to make me ill so I have no choice but to stay in Miyagi next year!”

Hajime rolls his eyes. “Someone would only think of that if they had a horrible personality like you.” He leans over and flicks the other boy’s ear. “Shittykawa.”

“No fair!” Oikawa glowers at him, levering himself into a sitting position. “If I can’t call you Iwa-chan, you can’t call me Shittykawa.”

“But…”

“Or Trashkawa.”

“Hey, wait…”

“Or Idiotkawa.”

“That’s not fair…”

“Yes it is.” Oikawa glares at him. “Iwa-i-zu-mi.” He separates each syllable deliberately, hugging his knees up to his chest and propping his chin on them. Oikawa is has a few millimeters and probably a few pounds on Hajime, but curled like this he looks just like he did when they were both twelve.

Hajime sighs. They haven’t really changed all that much since they were twelve, if he’s being honest. “Fine.” He caves to Oikawa like he usually does. Besides, as much as he loathes to admit it, it is more or less fair. Oikawa has to give up his nickname. Hajime can do the same.

“Good.” Oikawa hugs his legs tighter, unsmiling despite his victory. “Now we can call each other Iwaizumi-san and Oikawa-san and be boring grown ups.”

“That’s not what I want.” Hajime scowls at Oikawa. The other boy looks away, pouting.

There’s a beat of silence. Then...

“What _do_ you want?” Oikawa’s voice is soft.

“I just want…” What Hajime really wants is to stop and yell in frustration. He doesn’t _know_ what he wants. At first, he just wanted for Oikawa to stop calling him nicknames, but now everything else between feels wrong. “I just want for everything to be _normal_.” He decides finally, folding his arms across his chest.

“Hmmm.” Oikawa taps his chin with a long finger. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Hajime blinks. He didn’t really know what to expect from Oikawa, but mild agreement definitely was not it.

“Okay!” Oikawa repeats with a shiny smile that he clearly doesn’t mean. He unfolds like bird spreading its wings and clambers out of bed. Hajime watches, nonplussed, as Oikawa starts rifling through his drawers for clean clothes. “We should get food before the movie, Iwaizumi.”

“Uh, sure.” Hajime is used to Oikawa’s rapidly shifting moods. He decides that if Oikawa wants to act like he was never sad, then Hajime will let him. “You’re paying though.”

“Rude...” Oikawa whines, looking down at the clothing that he’s holding. He turns to Hajime, lips pursed. “Blue or grey?” He holds up two shirts for Hajime to examine.

“Uh…” Hajime blinks. He’s never really cared about fashion and Oikawa knows that. “What?”

“Which one do you like better?” Oikawa prompts, shaking the shirts in Hajime’s general direction. “The blue one or the grey one?”

“Aren’t they like…” Hajime waves a vague hand. “The same?”

Oikawa rolls his eyes. “I don’t know why I even bother.” He huffs.

“Er…” Hajime looks from shirt to shirt. Other than the color, he is willing to bet that they are actually identical. “The blue one, I guess.”

“Hmmm?” Oikawa looks pleasantly surprised, like he didn’t think Hajime would actually answer him. Which, if Hajime is being honest, is what usually would have happened. But after their fight, he’s trying to put up at least a token effort to be nice to the idiot. “Okay, then!” He tosses the grey one back towards his dresser with an annoying amount of accuracy. It lands soundlessly in the open drawer.

Hajime just shakes his head and scoots back to lean against the wall, averting his eyes as Oikawa strips out of his pajamas.

“Hey, Iwaizumi?” Oikawa’s voice makes Hajime look over reflexively. The other boy is dressed only in his boxers, arms folded across his chest. He’s toned, like any athlete, but is leaner than Hajime. Still, the way that his arms are crossed makes it easily apparent that the extra weights he’s been lifting lately have had an effect.

Hajime swallows, mouth suddenly dry, and looks away. “What is it, Oikawa?”

There’s the sound of rustling fabric. Hajime’s mind does strange things with that sound, picturing skin being revealed as Oikawa strips. It’s frankly disturbing. Between volleyball and growing up together, Hajime has managed to see Oikawa naked so many times that it’s practically a non-event. But for some reason, his brain has picked right now as the perfect time to fixate on naked Oikawa.

And Hajime had thought it couldn’t get weirder between them today. Awesome.

“...but not if you don’t want to.” Hajime blinks, finally focusing on what Oikawa has been saying. “So?” Oikawa prompts. “What do you think?”

 _Shit_. Hajime has literally no idea what Oikawa asked him.

“Er, what?” He glances over just in time to see Oikawa pull his shirt, the blue one, over his head. “I wasn’t paying attention.”

“So rude.” Oikawa shakes his head in a long-suffering way. Hajime restrains the urge to punch him. “I was saying that we could go visit Maki at work later, if you wanted.”

“Huh.” Hajime watches as Oikawa leans in front of the mirror on his wall and starts carefully arranging his hair. “Yeah, I guess so.”

Hanamaki works a three or four days a week at a convenience store a few blocks away from their houses. It always brings Oikawa disturbing amounts of joy to go to their teammate's place of work and harass him.

Oikawa hums in response, threading some sort of product through his hair with his fingers. Hajime knows that Oikawa takes great pride in his hair. There a frankly alarming amount of products sitting on the shelf below his mirror. Hajime has used the same type of gel to spike his hair since he was twelve. It’s a fact that causes Oikawa great distress.

“Okay!” Oikawa turns from a mirror a few minutes later with a smile on his face. “Let’s go!”

~~~~

They wander town for a bit, passing by Hajime’s house and waving to his mother as she waters the flowers in the front yard. She stops them, fawning over Oikawa like she always does. Hajime has long since accepted that Oikawa is her favorite son.

She compliments his shirt, telling it it brings out his eyes, and he blushes so red that Hajime worries he might pass out. He drags the other boy away, cursing his weakness to compliments.

The movie theater won’t be open for hours yet, so spend the extra time at the convenience store where Maki works. Hajime flips through the magazines and mangas while Oikawa takes great delight in quizzing Maki over different varieties of sweets they sell, eventually settling on the same milk bread that he always gets.

“You have a _terrible personality_.” Hajime remarks as they sit outside the store and eat their food. “Hanamaki has things to do other than pander to you.”

Oikawa pouts at him over his milk bread. “Come on, Iwaizumi.” He lifts his head imperiously. “I’m just doing my part to keep my team sharp!”

“Not your team anymore.” Hajime murmurs.

Oikawa looks down at the pavement. “I guess that’s true.” His voice is faintly bitter.

“Hey.” Hajime looks at him sidelong. “You did a good job. You were a good captain, Oikawa.”

“Of course I was.” Oikawa scoffs, but his cheeks are scarlet and his lips are pulling up into a pleased smile. “The best captain in the prefecture!” He finishes his milk bread in one massive bite and swallow. Hajime is both disgusted and impressed. “If it wasn’t for stupid Tobio-chan, I would have won.”

“Right, right.” Hajime waves a hand. He’s sat through his particular rant before. “Evil Kageyama and his evil plans for volleyball world domination.”

“Ha.” Oikawa tosses his head. “Like that idiot could actually achieve anything like volleyball world domination.”

Hajime blinks. “You know, you say that like you _do_ have a plan for volleyball world domination.” He frowns. “Please tell me that you don’t.”

Oikawa laughs. “Please, Iwaizumi. The entire world? Let’s start with just Japan, okay?” He winks. Hajime rolls his eyes and cuffs him upside the head, but the idiot just keeps laughing.

Oikawa has been unnervingly good-looking since they hit puberty, but times like this, times when he’s genuinely happy, he could take anyone’s breath away. Hajime likes to pretend that he’s immune to the physical appeal of Oikawa Tooru, but his friend has always been the sort of attractive that makes all sorts of clearly defined lines blurry.

He’s a magnetic sort of person, the sort that people pay attention to whether they want to or not.

Hajime clears his throat.”We should, ah, we should head to the movie, right?”

“Okay~” Oikawa hums, wiping crumbs away from his mouth. “Just let me go say bye to Maki, hm?”

“Don’t take up too much of his time, Oikawa.” Hajime lets him go. Picking the right battles is an important skill to have when dealing with Oikawa.

“Right!” Oikawa strides away, grinning. Hajime watches through the plate glass window as he corners Hanamaki and starts pestering him. It’s easy to mistake Oikawa as just plain annoying, but Hajime knows better.

Oikawa is the sort of person who doesn’t think anyone will pay attention to him if he stops yelling. Instead of chancing it, he just keeps yelling, keeps being annoying, keeps reminding people that he’s there. It makes Hajime want to grab him by the shoulders and tell at him that, yes, he is worth paying attention to and that, yes, even if he doesn’t force them people will stay.

Oikawa skips out of the shop a few minutes later, humming again. “What were you thinking about?” Oikawa prompts, poking Hajime’s shoulder with a finger.

Hajime glances over at him, slaps his hand away, and then shrugs. “Nothing, really.”

Oikawa snickers, but just heads out towards the theater. They walk in comfortable silence. It’s easy, sometimes, to just be together like this. The wind blows, warm and gentle, and Oikawa hums tunelessly. It’s familiar and it’s warm.

Hajime watches Oikawa’s broad back as he walks a step in front of him. He keeps thinking about endings, about change, thanks to the end of his high school career. He doesn’t want things to change between him and Oikawa. Then again, with their fight and the loss of their nicknames, maybe things have already changed.

Hajime swallows. He doesn’t want change. That’s why he and Oikawa are going to the same university and why they’re playing on the volleyball team together. They both know that Hajime isn’t quite at the same level Oikawa is and that, as they get older and train harder, that the gap between them will only widen. Oikawa wants to play pro. Hajime wants to that too...but he knows that out of the two of them, Oikawa is the only one with a real chance.

But Hajime wants to play with him just a little longer. Wants to prolong what they’ve shared their whole lives. He isn’t sure how a friendship between them without volleyball would even work. It’s ingrained in them both as deeply as anything. Hajime doesn’t want the descriptor ‘teammates’ removed from the relationship between them just yet.

“D’you remember the time we broke your mom’s window with a volleyball?” Oikawa asks suddenly, apropos of nothing.

“When we were eight?” Hajime says questioningly. Oikawa nods. “Yeah.” He smiles ruefully to himself. “Man, she was so mad. And it was all your fault too.” He jabs Oikawa between the shoulder blades and is gratified to see him flinch.

“No it wasn’t!” Oikawa protests, slowing to walk at Hajime’s side and glare at him in a betrayed fashion. “You were the one who hit the spike!”

“And you were the one who set it up for me!” Hajime counters. During the two weeks he spent grounded as punishment, he had a lot of time to replay the incident in his head and appropriately assign blame. “I just hit it. You were the one who decided where it was going to go.”

Oikawa just laughs at him. Hajime rolls his eyes. “Why were you even thinking about that, Sh-Oikawa?” He stumbles a bit over the insult he isn’t supposed to use.

“I don’t know.” Oikawa shrugs at him. “I just remembered it all of the sudden. We weren’t allowed to play together for such a long time after that. It was like a month or something.”

“Two weeks.” Hajime corrects.

“It felt longer.” Oikawa murmurs. Hajime doesn’t correct him on that. They go back to walking wordlessly to the movie theater after that. Oikawa picks his humming back up.

When they were both eight, the two weeks that they’d spent apart had felt like the literal end of the world. They weren’t even in the same class at school, so it had been little better than the situation at home was. Hajime vividly remembers crying into his hands one night, completely floored that he could miss Oikawa, dumb, shrieky, alien-loving Oikawa, so much.

Once the punishment was up and they were allowed to be together again, Hajime had vowed never to leave Oikawa again. It didn’t matter how bad things got. He wouldn’t leave.

And he hadn't.

Things weren't always easy. But they weren't always hard either. Hajime thinks that the worst days were at the end of junior high. Oikawa was caught between a wall he couldn’t get past and a genius who he couldn’t escape. His smiles were too sharp, his practices were too hard and too long and eventually, he snapped.

If Hajime hasn’t been there, Oikawa would have punched Kageyama in the face without stopping to consider why he shouldn't. 

Hajime can remember that day clearly even now, more than three years later. He can still see the flat, murderous expression on Oikawa’s face that had made him think _thunderstorm_. He had caught Oikawa’s arm just in time, done his best at damage control. He’d fumbled his way through words that he was sure Oikawa would just ignore.

But it had worked. Oikawa had listened, _really_ listened, and Hajime was made strangely aware of just how much power he had over his friend. Oikawa didn’t really listen to anyone, but he had listened to Hajime.

They reach the theater. Oikawa pays for both of their tickets with a lot of hand waving and cheesy grins. Hajime just kind of shrugs and lets him. He's not going to say no to free movie tickets. 

“I’m really excited for the movie!” Oikawa hisses as they take their seats. “I looked online and it’s supposed to be really good. Even better than the book, maybe!”

“Er...right.” Hajime blinks. “There were books?”

Oikawa looks scandalized. “Have you not read The Riders of Xancerbec?” Hajime shakes his head. Oikawa shakes his head and scoffs. “Really, Iwaizumi. I am so disappointed.”

“Hey, come on!” Hajime glowers. “Not all of us have time to read your freaky alien books!”

“Of course it’s probably too complex for your little brain.” Oikawa taps him on the forehead with his index finger and Hajime growls. Oikawa laughs at the response. “I’ll try to make it simple for you.” He says snottily. “It all starts in a lost galaxy fifty million years in the future…”

Hajime more or less tunes the rambling explanation out. He’s used to watching Oikawa’s weird nerd movies and not understanding what the hell is going on. Instead of listening, he watches Oikawa. He talks with his whole body, moving his hands and leaning towards Hajime when he gets particularly excited. It’s, for lack of a better word, _cute_.

“You’re not listening!” Oikawa whines after a little bit.

Hajime stammers, caught. “Yes I was.”

“Okay, what’s the name of Prince Lyderan’s daughter?” Oikawa says mulishly.

“Uh…” Hajime thinks about guessing, but gives it up as a bad job. “Okay fine, I wasn’t listening.” He admits.

“So rude.” Oikawa says solemnly. “If I get you popcorn will you pay attention?”

Hajime’s lips twitch into a smirk. “It wouldn’t hurt.”

Oikawa shakes his head and wanders off to fetch popcorn. He’s back a few minutes later, toting an unhealthily large bucket of popcorn. Hajime takes a handful and pops it into his mouth.

“There isn’t salt on this.” Hajime says after he swallows, surprised.

Oikawa frowns. “You don’t like salt.” He says.

“Yeah, no, I don’t.” Hajime agrees. “But people usually forget.”

Oikawa blinks. “I pay attention, Iwa-ch…” He doesn’t bother correcting himself this time, trailing off awkwardly as his face goes tight with clear unhappiness.

Hajime’s stomach clenches with guilt. He looked so happy a minute ago. This is his fault. He needs to fix it.

He glances around, making sure that no one is paying them any attention, and he leans closer to Oikawa. “Look.” He keeps his voice low. “I didn’t know that asking you not to call me Iwa-chan was going to make things between us so…” He trails off, not sure how to describe tension that keeps gathering between them.

He pauses, regrouping, and Oikawa just stares at him. The screen flickers behind them, casting strange patterns of light and shadows over them both.

“Please, just…” He leans closer to Oikawa. His eyes are wide and luminous, reflecting the colors of the movie screen. “I don’t care what you call me.”

Oikawa swallows, the movement of his throat distracting Hajime for a moment. “But what about what people say?” His voice isn’t bitter, just questioning. He’s not looking for a fight, he just wants to know.

“Do you care what people say?” He snaps.

“That doesn’t matter.” Oikawa lifts his chin, being difficult. “And besides, _I_ asked _you_ first.”

Hajime runs a hand through his hair, holding back an aggrieved sigh. “Yeah, okay, I care.” He bites out. He’s not going to lie. Oikawa has known him just as long as he’s known Oikawa. The other boy can read him surprisingly well.

“But,” He breathes, careful to keep his voice below the volume of the previews. “I care about you more. I care about you the most.” He can feel color rising in his cheeks as he says it and quickly averts his eyes from Oikawa’s. “So it’s fine.”

“Iwa-chan…” Oikawa’s voice is low, tinged with a strange sort of wonder. “Do you…”

The movie sudden blares loud, announcing the end of the previews.

Oikawa blinks, apparently pulled away from whatever he was thinking about and smiles far too wide. “Movie time, Iwa-chan!” He hums.

Hajime can’t deny that it makes him feel better to be called Iwa-chan again. “Sure thing, Shittykawa.” He says, settling back into his chair.

~~~~

The rest of the day is...weird. Once the movie ends, they wander around town more, stopping at a park to bounce a volleyball idly around. It quickly changes from idle to serious because they’re both volleyball obsessed idiots. Eventually, they’re kicked out of the park for “scaring children.”

Hajime is mortified. Oikawa is proud.

They eat at their favorite restaurant and Oikawa posts an annoying number of food pictures on his instagram. It’s more annoying when they garner thousands of likes from Oikawa’s legion of followers. Hajime punches him upside the head just on principle.

It’s so weird because it’s so normal. It’s the sort of day they had almost every weekend during high school. But, at the same time, it’s different. Oikawa keeps sneaking glances at Hajime and laughing too loudly at his own jokes.

Something is bothering him and Hajime can’t figure out what it might be.

The sun is setting by the time they get back to Hajime’s house. The lights are off in the windows. His parents are probably out or asleep.

“Do you…” Hajime stops and clears his throat. “Do you want to come inside?” He glances down at his hands. They’re calloused and rough from years and years of volleyball. The ring finger on his right hand is slightly crooked, a souvenir from a break in first-year.

Oikawa takes meticulous care of his skin. Hajime knows this thanks to years spent trying to force the other boy out of the locker room at a reasonable time. He moisturizes and exfoliates and there was that one legitimately terrifying time that Hajime walked in on him with a facemask on.

But despite that, despite all of his primping and preoccupation, Hajime knows for a fact that Oikawa’s hands feel just like his do.

One of those hands reaches out and closes around his wrist. “Come on.” He says, turning towards the house and pulling Hajime behind him.

The grip is light, loose. If Hajime wanted to pull away, he could.

But he’s never been able to say no to Oikawa, not really.

“Mom? Dad?” Hajime calls as they enter. “Anyone home?” No one answers. He turns to Oikawa, feeling foolish. “They’re probably out for dinner.”

Oikawa just nods. “Let’s go to your room.” They go up to the bedroom. The house is silent and shadowy, the rapidly fading daylight casting everything into sharp relief.

“So, did you want to watch another movie or play some video games…?” Hajime closes the door after Oikawa comes in. No one else is home, but it’s a habit since he usually has to worry about his mom hearing him swear and yelling at him.

“I...not right now.”

Hajime turns to Oikawa, eyebrow raised. “So what exactly are we supposed to do then, Trashkawa?”

“Iwa-chan…” Oikawa’s mouth is twisted into an ugly frown. Hajime knows that frown. It’s the sort of frown that he sees after lost games and encounters with geniuses. Its the frown that Oikawa makes when he’s sure that he isn’t good enough.

“Oikawa, what is it?” Hajime frowns back. “What’s wrong?”

Oikawa sighs, not looking at him and falls backwards to sit on Hajime’s bed. He leans back on his hands, looking up at the ceiling. “I need to tell you something.” His voice is tired, resigned.

“Okay.” Hajime sits down next to him, watching the way his hands flex against Hajime’s sheets. “What is it?”

He didn’t bother to turn any lights on when they came inside, so everything is thick with shadows. Oikawa looks the way he did when they walked home from their last day of high school; painted in sunset colors and shadows.

“I just…” He swallows and shakes his head. It’s a novel experience to see Oikawa Tooru lost for words. He’s looking steadily more panicked as seconds go on without talking.

“Is this about graduation day again?” Hajime decides to help. “The nickname thing?”

“Kinda.” Oikawa mumbles. He slouches forward and draws his knees up to his chest, propping his chin up on them. He looks like a little kid like this, mouth pouting and hair mussed.

“I thought we were over that.” Hajime runs a hand through his hair. “Man, Oikawa. How many times do I need to say sorry?”

“It’s not that.” He says. “Just...I need you to listen, okay?”

“Sure.” Hajime raises an eyebrow. “What is it?”

There’s a beat of silence, then...

“I love you.” Oikawa blurts out. He isn’t looking at Hajime. “I’m in love with you.”

Hajime can’t speak.

He gazes at Oikawa’s silhouette, taking in the outline of the other boy’s straight nose and styled hair. He knows that profile as well as he knows his own, but right now he can’t help but feel like he’s staring at a complete stranger.

“No.” He chokes out, finally finding his voice again. “I mean... _what_ , Oikawa...what are you even _saying_?”

Oikawa’s face crinkles into a despairing smile, eyes still fixed on the ceiling instead of on Hajime. “I’m saying that I’m in love with you, Iwa-chan.”

“You…” Hajime still can’t make sense of this. It’s a joke. It has to be. There’s no way it’s anything other than a stupid joke that Oikawa thought would be funny. He breathes in deep, trying to calm himself down. “That isn’t funny, Shittykawa.”

Oikawa laughs wetly. Hajime blinks over at him, shocked to see tears running down his upturned face. “I know.” He finally tilts his head to look over at Hajime. He looks completely wrecked, his eyes red-rimmed and his mouth twisted like it’s trying to fold in on itself.

There’s a floaty, panicky feeling spreading through his body. Hajime takes more deep breaths, trying to control himself. “Oikawa…” It isn’t working very well. “You can’t. You’re not...you _can’t_ be in love with me.”

Oikawa laughs again, the same shattered sound from before. “Bossy Iwa-chan.” He sniffs. “Always trying to tell me what to do.” Hajime doesn’t know what to say. He just sits there, equal parts numb and panicked, as Oikawa rubs his hands over his face. “Don’t know why I’m in love with a bossy guy like you.” His voice is muffled, but the words are clear.

Hajime’s stomach swoops sickly. “Stop saying that!” He gets up off the bed and stands in front of Oikawa, glaring. “You aren’t in love with me!”

“No, you stop!” Oikawa’s fake smile finally falls and he glares right back. “I finally tell you after years and years and you tell me that I’m lying!” He’s still crying, ugly, wet tears that turn his face red and blotchy.

“Years?” Hajime repeats, eyes widening.

Oikawa stops glaring and unfolds, swinging his legs so that they hang off the edge of his bed. “I’m sorry, Iwa-chan.” He looks down at his feet. “I would have told you earlier, but...I thought it would go away, if I ignored it.” He swallows and rubs his eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t...” Hajime can’t process this. Oikawa is his best friend. He can’t be in love with him. They’re both boys, for fucks sake, and best friends. Maybe this sort of thing happens on TV and in the movies, but it doesn’t happen in real life. He’s normal, almost offensively so. It can’t be happening to him. It just can’t.

“I’m not asking you for anything.” Oikawa is looking down at the hands folded in his lap now. “I just thought that you needed to know.” His voice is soft and impossibly fragile. Hajime has never seen him like this, not even after their worst losses. He’s shaking and tense, an inch from breaking.

It’s thunderstorm time and Hajime needs to do something. But he doesn’t know what. He never planned for anything like this.

“You’re my friend.” He chokes out. He takes a step forward and puts a hand under Oikawa’s chin, forcing him to look up at him. “You know that right? My best friend.” His puts his other hand on Oikawa’s shoulder.

Oikawa nods, minutely.

They stand there like that for a minute, both looking at each other without speaking. Oikawa’s face is growing redder by the minute, his nose running and his eyes watery.

“God.” Hajime shakes his head after a beat. “You are still such an ugly crier.”

“Mean, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa sniffs. “So mean.”

“Hajime sighs. “I...I’m sorry, Oikawa.” He swallows. “Tooru.”

“I know.” Oikawa smiles miserably.

Hajime doesn’t know what to do, so he decides to act like he would have before. Oikawa is crying. So he does what he would usually do in this situation. He reaches forward and pulls Oikawa into a hug. The other boy stiffens, body shaking with tiny tremors.

“You’re my friend.” He repeats, trying to make things okay even though he has no idea how. “You’ll always be my friend.”

Oikawa cries into his neck, the tears hot and wet against Hajime’s skin.

Hajime sits there, holding the boy who loves him, and tries simply to keep breathing.

Oikawa is in love with him.

He has no idea what he supposed to do.

~~~~

Oikawa releases him about ten minutes later, apologizing and asking to be alone before heading back to his house. At a loss, Hajime lies down in bed and stares up at the ceiling without really seeing it.

Oikawa is in love with him. Oikawa is in _love_ with _him_. Oikawa, his shitty best friend with the too-pretty face and the terrible personality, is in love. _With_. _Hajime_.  
The more he thinks about it, the less it seems to make sense.

He spends the whole night and most of the next day just lying there, turning the same sentence over and over in his mind. It’s like poking at a bruise or wiggling a sore tooth.

It’s stupid and it hurts, but he can’t stop doing it.

He groans and drags his hands over his face. This isn’t helping. He needs to decide what he’s going to do about this.

Oikawa is in love with him.

 _Fuck_.

He gets to his feet and walks downstairs. He is not going to sit in his room and wallow anymore. He is going to be proactive. He is going to do something about this situation.

Stupid Oikawa, confessing and making everything complicated. He glowers as he tromps heavily down the stairs and into his kitchen. He’s not hungry, but he forces down a few bites of the leftovers from dinner last night his mom has left for him.

“Okay.” He says aloud, closing the fridge.

His voice is too loud in the empty kitchen.

He needs advice or something. He can’t handle this on his own.

He grabs his phone off the counter. No missed texts or calls or snapchats. That’s strange. Usually Oikawa sends him at least a snapchat per hour. He sighs.

Oikawa is in love with him.

He sends a text to Hanamaki and another to Matsukawa, asking them to meet him tomorrow. He needs advice. He can’t ask his parents. He just...can’t. And besides Oikawa, Mattsun and Maki are his best friends.

He shuts off his phone after they both reply in the affirmative and goes back upstairs to lay down. He didn’t sleep at all last night. He’s exhausted.

But…

Oikawa’s in love with him.

The fact repeats in his mind like a particularly catchy song. He never gets used to it. It makes his throat go tight and his mind go blank with pure panic every time he thinks it. How long, he wants to ask. Is he sure? Why Hajime? Just... _why_?

Oikawa is in love with him.

Hajime stays up until dawn, but he doesn’t get his answers.

~~~~

“So.” Hajime runs a hand through his hair. “Something happened yesterday.”

“Uh, okay?” Mattsun blinks at him, nonplussed. Beside him, Maki raises an eyebrow. They’re sitting together on the pavement steps outside an ice cream shop a little ways from Hajime’s house. Mattsun and Maki are both slurping on large sundaes.

Hajime doesn’t feel like eating.

He shakes his head, trying to clear it. “I don’t...I’m not sure if I should tell you.” He says. “But I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

“We can keep a secret, Iwaizumi.” Maki leans over Mattsun to look at him. “Or, I can. Can’t say anything for Mattsun, here.”

Mattsun hits him across the back of the head, making him lose part of his sundae to the pavement. Maki pouts. Hajime approves.

“Just tell us what happened.” Maki prompts, taking a bite of ice cream. “We can keep quiet.” Mattsun mimes locking his mouth and throwing away the key. Maki hits him again. Hajime continues to approve.

“Ugh.” He leans back, putting his weight on his hands. “This is so stupid.”

“Stupid, huh?” Maki folds his arms. “I’m guessing Oikawa is involved, then.”

Hajime feels himself blush at the mention of the other boy’s name. Wow. This had better not keep happening or else he is in for some serious problems. “Uh, yeah.” He laughs awkwardly. Maki’s eyes go sharp, like a shark smelling blood.

“What happened?” He prompts. “Is it the reason that our dear Captain isn’t here today?”

“Er, sort of.” Hajime takes a deep breath. “It’s just..things between us have been strange lately. I tried to talk to him about it and, well…” He huffs out a breath. He doesn’t want to say it. Saying it makes it all undeniably real.

“Iwaizumi?” Mattsun prompts, setting his sundae down beside him.

Hajime looks up at the sky so he doesn’t have to see their expressions. It’s cloudy today, slate grey and hazy. He wonders, in a vague way, if it’s going to rain. “He’s in love with me.” He swallows. “Oikawa, I mean. He told me that he’s in love with me.”

Both of them are quiet for a long moment.

Hajime finally dares to look over at them. They’re both looking at him, faces sympathetic and surprised. They don’t look like he expected them too. There isn’t any rejection there, no disgust either.

“Wow.” Maki breathes.

“That’s just…” Mattsun trails off.

“I know.” Hajime huffs miserably. “Trust me. _I know_. I just sat there when he told me. I didn’t even know what to say.”

He doesn’t tell that he hasn’t slept at all for the past two nights or that every time he closes his eyes, he can see his best friend’s face wet with tears. He doesn’t tell them that the refrain of _Oikawa is in love with me_ is still playing in his head nonstop.

Somehow, he doesn’t think it would help.

“So…” Mattsun’s voice is hesitant. “Uh, do you…” He’s blushing and Hajime knows he probably is too. This whole conversation has been awkward as hell. “Do you love him too, Iwaizumi?”

“I don’t know.” Hajime groans. “That’s the problem. This is all just so weird. I’ve never thought about anything like that with Oikawa, but...” He shakes his head. “Now I guess I kind of have to.”

There’s a beat of silence.

“This is so like Oikawa.” Maki says and smiles a bit. Hajime raises a questioning eyebrow. “Nothing can ever be easy. He always has to make things so complicated.”

Hajime laughs.

“It makes sense, the more I think about it.” Mattsun is tapping his chin with a finger. “Our captain has always put a premium on _Iwa-chan’s_ attention, hasn’t he?”

“Ugh, shut up.” Iwaizumi groans. “You don’t get to call me that.”

“But Oikawa does, doesn’t he?” Maki leers at him. “You know, Mattsun, the only thing I’m still confused about is how we didn’t see this before.”

“Same, Maki, same.”

“You are both terrible friends.” Hajime tells them. “Terrible.”

They both laugh. Maki slaps him on the back like he does after a match and Mattsun punches his shoulder. They aren’t treating him any differently. They’re still being his friends, teasing him and trying to help. It makes the tight feeling in his chest loosen.

He can breathe again.

“So,” Mattsun kicks his foot. “Oikawa is in love with you.”

“Apparently.”

“Okay.” He nods. “What are you going to do?” Hajime blinks and doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t particularly want to do anything, other than rewind back to before their stupid fight after graduation.

Mattsun continues. “The way I see it, you have two choices. One,” He holds up a finger. “You tell him you don’t feel the same and see if you can still be friends after that.”

“Of course I’ll still be his friend.” Hajime says. Sure, it might be awkward for a while, but Oikawa has been his friend for his entire life. They made it through the Great Alien Debacle back when they were both seven and through the Time Hajime Told The Volleyball Team That Oikawa Got A Manicure when they were both fourteen.

As much as finding out about Oikawa’s feelings had shaken Hajime, it had never once occurred to him that they might stop being friends. Oikawa’s friendship is annoying and oftentimes inconvenient, but it is steady and sure and insurmountable.

There might be something that could break it, but this isn’t it. Not by a long shot.

“Okay.” Mattsun smiles, the edges of his eyes crinkling. “But...there is an option two.”

Hajime looks at his shoes. He knows what option two is. He’s known since Oikawa looked at him, teary-eyed and red-faced, and confessed. Maybe he’s known for longer than that.

He may not be able to lie to others, but he's never had any problems lying to himself.

Oikawa is in love with him.

Only now does Hajime allow himself to consider what that could _mean_ for him.

“I need some time.” He chokes out. “I need to think.” He looks at his two teammates, still eating their sundaes. “Thank you.” He says. “For listening. And for...for being okay with this.”

“You’re our friend.” Maki shrugs. “No matter what you choose, you’ll always be our friend.”

“What he said.” Mattsun grins.

“I…” Hajime bites his lip to stop himself from smiling. “Just...thanks.”

~~~~

Hajime goes home an hour or so after, trying not to think about anything as his feet slap rhythmically on the pavement. Above, the sky is swirling with dark clouds.

He walks faster, not wanting to be caught in the rain.

It starts to drizzle a few blocks from the ice cream place. He breaks into a run. The drizzle thickens into a proper downpour. Hajime holds out hope for a few more minutes that it’ll let up.

He eventually admits defeat, ducking into the dry sanctuary of a convenience store. He shakes his wet hair out of his eyes and nods at the cashier. The cashier, who looks to be a bored high school student, gives him a perfunctory nod in reply before going back to staring down at her phone.

Hajime sighs and wanders down an aisle. Besides him and the cashier, the place seems to be deserted. Hajime leans up against the wall next to a display of magazines. The cashier pops her gum. Outside, the rain continues to hammer against the window.

He takes out his phone and automatically opens up a new message to Oikawa before remembering that...right. Oikawa is love with him. He needs to figure that whole situation out.

Trapped in a random convenience store by a rain storm isn’t quite how he pictured doing it, but it needs to happen sooner or later. He doesn’t have anything else to do but wait for the storm to abate. Might as well be now.

The freezer against the wall drones and the rain outside drums. Hajime tries to breath and lets himself wonder if his feelings for his best friend might be more than just friendship.

It’s hard. He’s had crushes on a few girls, sure. His first year of middle school he was embarrassingly enamored with Keiko, Oikawa’s sister. He knows how crushes feel, the sucking sensation of longing and the exhilarated, sick feeling of talking to the person you like. He knows those feelings and he knows he doesn’t have them for Oikawa.

So no, he decides, he doesn’t _like_ Oikawa.

But, the thing is, Oikawa didn’t say that he _liked_ Hajime. He said that he was in love with him. And Hajime can’t help but feel like the two things are different. Because he liked those girls, but he was never in love with them.

Could he be in love with Oikawa? Oikawa, who still doesn’t know how to take care of himself. Oikawa, who has a literal fanclub, but is still desperately afraid that of losing everyone that he actually cares about. Oikawa, who has stupid hair and surprisingly broad shoulders and an absolutely terrible personality. Oikawa, who tries so hard and smiles too wide. Oikawa, who is and always has been Hajme’s best friend.

Could he be in love with a person like that?

This is stupid. This whole week has been stupid.

Oikawa is his most important person and he always, always has been. He’s the one that Hajime always wants to spend time with, the person who he seeks out when he’s bored or lonely or sad. Of _course_ Hajime is in love with him.

It’s so simple that it’s stupid.

“Fuck.” Hajime puts his head in his hands. “ _Fuck_.” He repeats the word again, emphatic.

The cashier at the front gives him a disgruntled look, but Hajime is too distracted to actually care.

This realization has been coming together bit by bit since Oikawa confessed. Hell, probably since before then. He's pretty sure that feelings like these don't happen overnight.

This is going to make his normal, inoffensive life so complicated. Maki was right. Absolutely everything about Oikawa is complicated. And now…

They’re two men in a country where same-sex relationships are generally taboo. They can’t get married or have kids. And that’s if everything between them goes well. If it doesn’t, Hajime could lose his best friend.

It seems completely stupid to risk everything that’s most important to him, his friendship with Oikawa as well as his good relationship with his parents, for something like this.

Some of his friends, like Maki and Mattsun, would accept the two of them dating. Some of their new teammates at university would probably be fine with it as well. But, there would also be the people who weren’t okay with it. There would be people who would be cruel.

Some people would hate him. Some people would hate Oikawa too.

His hands clench into fists at the idea of people ostracizing Oikawa. When they were kids, Hajime’s mother used to coo at the way her son protected the other boy from everything from bugs to bullies. If Hajime’s being honest, that he has to admit that the protective instinct hasn’t gone away.

He’s used to being Oikawa’s damage control. But he knows how to protect Oikawa from the world just as well as he knows how to protect the world from Oikawa.

He can’t imagine anyone, anyone at all, ever learning how to navigate Oikawa’s moods and idiosyncrasies the way that he can. He doesn’t really want anyone else to learn, either. It's his job. It always has been. 

Hajime looks down at his phone, pulling up one of the many pictures of Oikawa on his camera roll. It’s from right after a game, while they were still wearing their jerseys. His hair is damp with sweat and his cheeks are flushed with exertion. Oikawa is bright and handsome, even on the dingy screen of Hajime’s cell phone.

He’s not letting himself think about the good things. He’s not letting himself wonder what a relationship with Oikawa would be like.

Honestly though, he doesn't have to wonder. He's been Oikawa's best friend for his entire life. He can't imagine that being his boyfriend would be too different. He can perfectly imagine weekends spent with Oikawa lingering in bed and Hajime complaining at him to get up. He can imagine volleyball practices spent working to get better and evenings spent pouring over classwork and studying together. Hajime’s whole body is warm at the thought of a life spent together. He can’t imagine that sort of life with anyone else.

He can even imagine nights spent curled together, the bed too small for two teenage boys, skin sweaty and sticking where they touch.

Hajime swallows. He would be lying if he claimed that he's never though about what it would be like to be physical with Oikawa. To touch him and to be touched in return...

He breathes in and out, trying not to think about it. He’s always dismissed the faint attraction that pings around Oikawa as a side effect of the other boy’s admittedly staggering good-looks. But he’s starting to think that he hasn’t understood what’s been going on between them at all.

Hajime’s hands curl, nails digging into his palms, as his last reservations fall away. He’s reached an utterly terrifying conclusion.

He’s in love with his best friend. 

It should probably feel more surprising than it does. But, well, Hajime has always wanted to pay attention to Oikawa. Maybe it shouldn’t feel surprising at all.

Outside the store, rain is still falling.

He should probably keep waiting here until the storm passes. Maybe he should go home and change before going to see Oikawa. There’s rain on his shirt and mud flecking the hem of his jeans. He really should get cleaned up.

But going home would mean seeing his parents and the evidence of his normal, uncomplicated life. It would mean more thinking and more second-guessing and at this point Hajime just wants all the indecision to be done.

He loves Oikawa. He really, really does.

It’s enough. It has to be.

~~~~

He’s breathing hard as he runs the last few feet to Oikawa’s house. The windows are dark. Hajime wonders with a sinking feeling if anyone is home.

He swallows, standing on the doorstep where he’s stood so many times before. He usually doesn’t bother with knocking, but he does today.

After a few moments, the door swings open.

“Iwa-chan.” Oikawa blinks at him, nonplussed. Just looking at him hits Hajime harder than one of Ushijima’s serves. He feels hot and panicked and elated and also vaguely nauseous. Oh god, he loves him. He really does.

“Hey.” Hajime pants. “Can I come in?”

Oikawa moves aside wordlessly. Hajime is painfully aware that he is dripping water and mud all over the Oikawa’s entryway. He ran all the way here from the convenience store and it shows. He looks like a bit of a mess.

“What are you doing here?” Oikawa’s voice is soft. Hajime looks over at him. He’s dressed in a t-shirt that looks old and soft and boxers patterned with smiling alien heads. His hair is mussed and his eyes look sleepy. Hajime must have woken him up.

“Sorry.” Hajime wraps his arms around himself, still dripping. “I should have called or something.”

“It’s...fine.” The air between them is tense, making the conversation stilted and awkward. Hajime watches Oikawa swallow. “Come up to my room.” He offers. “You can borrow a shirt or something.” He looks Hajime up and down.

“It was raining.” Hajime mutters in response to the unasked question. He can feel his face getting redder as Oikawa stares at him.

“Not that hard, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa scoffs before turning on his heel to walk up the stairs.

“I was outside for a long time.” Hajime shakes his hair out of his face. The gel he uses is rinsing out and stinging his eyes.

“Don’t stay out in the rain, you’ll get sick.” Oikawa sniffs in a very superior way. “Stupid Iwa-chan.”

Hajime aims a slap at him, but misses. He can’t see very well with gel and hair in his eyes. “Tch.” He drags a hand over his face, trying to get his hair under control. “Aren’t you supposed to be nicer to the person you love?”

He watches as Oikawa’s shoulders stiffen at his words. “Don’t say it so casually, Iwa-chan.” His voice is strained, trying to sound normal and failing by a wide margin. “I didn’t tell you do you could make fun of me.”

“I’m not…” Hajime feels his stomach swoop unpleasantly, but Oikawa is opening the door to his room and babbling determinedly over him.

“Here’s a shirt and some sweatpants.” He practically serves them at Hajime’s face. Thankfully, fabric is more forgiving than a volleyball and Hajime escapes without a broke nose. “You should get changed or else you’ll get sick. Stupid Iwa-chan.” Hajime bristles as Oikawa laughs shrilly.

“Don’t be such an ass, Idiotkawa.” He growls, stripping off his shirt.

Oikawa’s eyes go wide and he quickly turns away. “No manners, Iwa-chan.” He mumbles. “Just stripping in the middle of my room. Let me cover my eyes before I have to see your brutish body.”

Oi!” Hajime yells and throws his wet t-shirt at Oikawa’s head. The other boy shrieks and scrabbles to get the shirt off his face.

“Mean!” He finally manages to free himself as Hajime discards his wet jeans and pulls Oikawa’s sweatpants up to his hips. They’re too long. Oikawa is only a few millimeters taller, but he’s always had longer limbs. Hajime lets his eyes linger for a minute, taking in the length of Oikawa’s arms and they way they flex with muscle when he moves.

The bedroom is dark thanks to the rain outside the window. It’s falling harder now, pounding down in flat sheets. “Your hair is all wet.” Oikawa says with amusement. “It makes you look shorter.”

“Shut up.” Hajime responds automatically.

“Tiny Iwa-chan~” Oikawa sings. “Chibi-Iwa-chan~”

“I’ll kill you in your sleep.” Hajime glowers at him. Oikawa just grins, tried and strained, but genuinely amused. Hajime loves it when Oikawa smiles for real.

He’s starting to realize that he loves a lot of things about Oikawa.

“Hey.” He says gruffly. “I need to talk to you about something.”

Oikawa sighs and plops down in his desk chair. “I’m tired of having talks, Iwa-chan.” He whines. “All we do lately is have talks and fight.”

“I know.” Hajime sits across from Oikawa, on the edge of his bed. “But this is...it’s important.”

Oikawa bites his lip and looks away. The expression is surprisingly distracting. Hajime is absolutely mortified by his new reactions to Oikawa, but also a little bit intrigued. “Okay, fine.” Oikawa finally relents. Hajime blinks out of his stupor, hoping that Oikawa won’t notice how red his face is. “Let’s have a ‘talk.’” He puts air quotes around the word talk.

“It’s, uh, about what happened two days ago.” Hajime is sure that Oikawa must have noticed his red face by now.

“Oh.” Oikawa makes a tch sound, like the topic is distasteful. “ _That_.”

“Yeah. That.” Hajime rehearsed what he was going to say in his head over and over on the run from the store. But sitting here with Oikawa, in this room where they’ve had a hundred conversations and spent years and years together, makes him forget. He’s distracted by Oikawa’s closeness, the way that his lips look when he swallows and the was his body flexes when he moves.

Oikawa swivels around in his chair and lights the tiny lamp sitting on his desk. The light makes the room seem warm, a shelter far apart from the raging storm outside. “You know,” Oikawa sighs with his back to Hajime. “I thought that confessing would make everything easier. You would know and so I could stop worrying about you finding out all the time.” He sighs again, louder, and props his chin on his hand. “But now you know and I’m still worried. Worried that you’ll leave me. Worried that you won’t…” His voice is melancholy, the tone matching the weather outside. “Worried that everything will just go back to the way it’s always been.”

“Oikawa…” Hajime stands up and takes a step towards Oikawa’s back. “Please, just listen for a minute.”

“But you’re my best friend, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa keeps talking like Hajime didn’t interrupt him. “I don’t want to lose you. I just want to keep you.” He laughs hollowly. “I guess that I’m just selfish. So, so selfish with you.”

“Sometimes it’s okay to be selfish, Oikawa.” Hajime’s mouth is dry.

“Don’t make jokes, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa snorts. “You aren’t funny.”

“I’m not joking.” Hajime fights the impulse to hit Oikawa and call him a mean name. “It’s okay for you to be selfish with me if I say it is.”

Outside, the rain has picked up. It’s drumming hard against the window in a frenetic beat. Oikawa glances at his window. In the light from his desk lamp, his face looks tired and ragged. Hajime knows that face. It’s the one that comes after too many nights spent watching volleyball tape and too many days working to perfect new serves and strategies.

He hates that look.

“Hey.” He says, voice soft and barely audible over the rain. Oikawa swivels his chair and looks at him with tired eyes. Hajime swallows. “I love you.”

Oikawa recoils like Hajime slapped him. “W-what?” He chokes.

Hajime can feel himself turning red again. “You heard what I said.” He huffs gruffly.

“No.” Oikawa shakes his head. “You can’t say things like that, Iwa-chan.”

“Why not?” Hajime demands. “Why do you get to say it and I don’t?”

Oikawa’s eyes are wide with panic, with hope. Like usual, he’s too many things at once. “Because you can’t be in love with me!” He stammers. “You can’t, Iwa-chan!”

“Why not?” Hajime glares at him, heart in his throat.

“You…” Oikawa is breathing hard, like he’s just finished playing a full set. “Hajime, I don’t…”

Hajime swallows down the panic that he’s feeling and ignores the flush that is rapidly coloring his face. “You’re in love with me, right?” Oikawa nods wordlessly. “Okay. I’m in love with you too.”

Oikawa’s face is frozen, eyes wide and mouth open just a bit. “You...you are? You really, really are?” He’s still breathing way too hard. Hajime just nods, face growing warmer every second that Oikawa looks at him like that. “You have to tell me, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa scolds, lips twitching like he’s trying to hold back a smile. “You can’t just nod.”

“I’m in love with you.” He forces the words out. Oikawa’s face breaks out into such a wide grin that he can’t avoid adding, “Trashkawa.”

“Iwa-chan!” Oikawa shrieks in mock dismay, his face still pulled into a massive grin. “You ruined it! Do it again.”

Hajime rolls his eyes, smiling. “I love you.” Oikawa nods approvingly. “Shittykawa.” He gasps in mock outrage.

“Wrong!”

“Idiotkawa?”

“Iwa-chan, no!”

“Asskawa?”

“You’re the worst person I’ve ever met!”

“Nah.” Hajime smiles, feeling light and tingly all over. “You love me.”

Oikawa turns scarlet and tries to hide his face in his hands. “Hajime.” He mumbles. “I really do.” Hajime leans into his space a little bit and reaches up to remove the hands from his face.

“Hi.” Oikawa murmurs, a blush still bright against his cheeks.

“Hey.” Hajime says back, feeling more than a little bit stupid.

“Can I…” Oikawa clears his throat. “Can I kiss you?” His gaze flickers down to Hajime’s lips.

“Um.” Hajime replies intelligently.

“It’s okay!” Oikawa waves his hands, eyes going wide with panic. “We don’t have to!”

“No!” Hajime blurts out. “I want to!” Oikawa stops waving his hands, but still looks doubtful. Hajime swallows. “Tooru.” He manages not to stammer on Oikawa’s first name. “I...I want to. It’s okay.”

Hajime has never kissed anyone before. None of his crushes have ever amounted to anything besides embarrassing eye-contact from across the room and, on one very memorable occasion, a hug that almost made him pass out. He sits there, not sure what exactly he’s supposed to be doing, and Oikawa smiles blindingly at him.

“You haven’t done this before~” He observes with what Hajime considers to be an unfair amount of delight. Hajime decides not to dignify Oikawa’s gloating with a response. “It’s okay.” Oikawa hums. “Trust your senpai.”

Hajime is ready to actually punch his kissing-senpai in the face, but Oikawa’s hands come up to cup his cheeks with careful fingers. “Shhhh.” Oikawa grins, displaying his annoying ability to read Hajime’s face. “You can punch me later.”

Then, Oikawa kisses him.

Hajime closes his eyes. Oikawa’s lips are soft against Hajime’s. It’s a gentle pressure that makes his heart beat in his throat.

It’s not passionate, not yet. Despite Oikawa’s claims, neither one of them is very experienced at this. It’s soft and insistent and a little bit messy. Oikawa’s teeth catch on Hajime’s bottom lip and Hajime accidentally mashes his nose up against Oikawa’s.

Hajime can’t imagine anything feeling more perfect.

Outside, the rain pounds and thunder begins to rumble. But it doesn’t seem to matter anymore. Nothing matters beside the soft feeling of Oikawa’s lips against his.

Hajime can’t be sure how much time passes before they break apart. He knows it can’t have been longer than a minute or so, but it somehow feels much longer. Like maybe a million years passed and the world outside Oikawa’s bedroom will be new and strange when they finally emerge.

“Let’s lay down.” Oikawa murmurs, his face still close to Hajime's.

“W-wait,” Hajime stammers. “Shittykawa, I don’t think…”

Oikawa laughs in the fact of his panic. Like an asshole. Why does he even like this guy again?

“Just to sleep.” Oikawa clarifies, grinning like an idiot. “I’m tired.” He reaches out to touch the skin under Hajime’s eyes. “And you look sleepy too, Iwa-chan.”

Hajime can feel himself blushing again, but he carries on anyway. “Fine.”

Oikawa is still beaming at his brief moment of terror. “Don’t worry.” He assures, switching off his desk lamp. “We can go as slow as you want, Iwa-chan.”

Hajime swallows, making himself comfortable in Oikawa’s bed. “I don’t want to go _that_ slow.” He mumbles, thoroughly embarrassed.

Oikawa snickers softly and settles beside him. “Good.” He snakes his arms around Hajime. “I don’t want to go that slow either.” Hajime shivers at words. Oikawa snickers again. “But for now, Hajime,” He murmurs. “I just want to sleep with the person I love.”

“Okay.” Hajime yawns, letting Oikawa pull him closer.

Hajime falls asleep to the sound of rain against glass and the steady rise and fall of Oikawa’s chest against his cheek.

Oikawa’s in love with him.

He thinks that he could get used to a life like this.

**Author's Note:**

> *slowly descends into volleyball hell*
> 
> (edit: fixed various spelling errors and tweaked some parts that were bothering me)


End file.
